Signs That Your Partner Is Deceiving You
I have been a Polygraph Examiner for nearly ten years, 70% of my tests are relationship based, my personal favorite being a proof of innocence test.
Many couples reach out to us when they are at rock bottom, some due to insecurities others control or the genuine suspicion that a partner has cheated and the need to know for sure. In many cases counseling would be more effective pre test and certainly recommended post test however many men refuse to consider this type of therapy and just want quick answers which we are able to give.
In many cases we see the results really do give couples closure and the answers they need to move on. Others it’s simply a sticking plaster over the issues itself which is where couples counseling is needed or ultimately splitting up.
How Can You Find Out if Your Partner Is Deceiving You?
If you’re married or in a relationship, there’s a good chance that you’ve wondered at some point if your partner is not being honest with you. It’s an uncomfortable topic to think about, but it’s something that many couples have to face at one time or another.
This article will outline the six most common signs that your partner is lying to you. Read on to learn how to identify them and take the necessary steps to save your relationship! While there is no foolproof way to know if your partner is unfaithful, attention to subtle clues can help determine if something is amiss.
Changes in Communication
One of the most common signs of a partner double-dealing is a change in communication patterns. If they’re suddenly more closed off and not sharing as much with you, it could be because they’re talking to someone else instead. They may become more distant or withdrawn or act differently around you.
They might also start being more critical or hostile towards you. This could be their way of making themselves feel better about what they’re doing. If you notice any sudden changes in your loved one’s communication behavior, it’s worth talking with them to see what’s going on.
Lying and Avoidance
When your spouse or partner is deceiving you, there’s a good chance they will start lying constantly. This is because they’ll have to keep track of their whereabouts and who they were with. They may also start avoiding you in general, which can signify that something is going on.
Initially, detecting their lies can be challenging for you. However, If you notice your better half suddenly becoming distant or uninterested in spending time with you, it’s a red alert. Additionally, pay attention to your partner’s body language. If they seem nervous or uncomfortable around you, it could be a sign that they are hiding something.
You might notice changes in their overall attitude and behavior, such as becoming more distant or secretive. They may also start acting differently towards you, being more critical or dismissive. Some even may start picking fights for no reason suddenly and seem almost like a fighting cock. Another sign is that they may start paying less attention to you and your relationship.
On the other hand, Some often try to cover up their affair by being extra nice to their partner. So if you notice your partner being exceptionally loving and attentive, it could be a sign that they’re trying to compensate for something.
Of course, there may be a perfectly innocent explanation for these changes. But if you suspect that your partner is being disloyal, it’s important to trust your instincts and have a conversation with them about what’s going on.
If you notice your partner suddenly starts paying more attention to their appearance, it could be a sign that they might have an affair. If they’re trying to impress someone else, they may go out of their way to dress up and look their best. They may also start working out more and taking better care of themselves.
Suddenly caring about clothes and hair isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if it’s out of character for your spouse, it could mean they’re trying to impress someone else.
Of course, there are many innocent reasons why your loved one might start paying more attention to their appearance. Perhaps they’ve decided to make a change in their life. But if you suspect that something is going on, it’s worth talking to your partner about it.
Secretive Phone or Computer Use
If you notice that your partner is secretive about their phone or computer use, it could be a flag that they are being disloyal to you. When they are suddenly spending more time on their devices than they used to, or if they are keeping them out of your sight, it may be because they are communicating with someone else behind your back.
They may also be trying to hide their communication by deleting texts or emails or by using apps that disguise their activities. Additionally, they may start to dodge questions about who they’re talking to or what they’re doing online, and they may try to hide their screen from you and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
If you notice any of these red flags, let them know how their behavior makes you feel, and ask them to be honest with you about what’s going on.
Completely Unavailable at Certain Times
It can be excruciating to suspect that your partner is lying, but it’s important to trust your gut instinct. If your partner is dodging you, they may be utterly unavailable at certain times. Chances are they are seeing someone else during that time, behind your back. Then, suddenly, they’re working late or taking mysterious “business trips.” Your better half may make up stories of their whereabouts, but it’s crucial to identify their lies. The best way is to try to read their body language and tone of their voice if you can.
When people lie to their partners, they often try to create an alibi by making themselves seem busy or otherwise engaged. So if you notice your spouse suddenly has more “work commitments” or is mysteriously unavailable when you try to reach them, it may be because they are spending time with someone else. And when they are around, they may seem preoccupied and distracted.
If you’re suspicious, try asking them directly if they see someone else. If they deny it, you could try looking through their phone or social media to see if there is any evidence of them meeting up with someone else.
Friends Seem Weird
If you think your lover is lying to you, pay close attention to how their friends act around you. One of the telltale signs that your significant other may be fooling you is if their friends start to act weird around you.
If they avoid making eye contact, suddenly start avoiding conversation with you, or disengage from you entirely when in a group setting, they likely know about the unfaithfulness. As a result, they may feel guilty or uncomfortable about it. And don’t want to get caught in the middle.
Of course, there could be other reasons for their strange behavior, but if you notice that it’s happening specifically when you’re around, it’s definitely worth paying attention to.
So if you suspect that your partner is being unfaithful, keep an eye on their friends. Don’t let your partner brush off their friends’ strange behavior – it could be a sign that something is going on behind your back.
There’s No Intimacy
One of the most common signs of disloyalty is a sudden change in the level of intimacy between you and your loved one. If you suddenly find yourself avoiding physical contact or intimate moments, it may indicate that something is wrong. Unfaithful partners often pull away from their significant other as they try to distance themselves emotionally.
They may also avoid eye contact or physical touch to reduce the guilt they feel subconsciously. On the other hand, you may find yourself constantly being the one to initiate conversations or physical contact. It may be a sign that they are getting their needs met elsewhere.
They may also start paying less attention to you and seem preoccupied or distracted. If you notice any of these changes, it’s important to talk to your partner about what’s going on. Lying can be devastating to a relationship, but it’s also possible to work through it if both partners are willing to put in the effort.
Their Schedule Is Suddenly Different
If you suspect that your partner is lying to you, there are a few telltale signs to watch out for. One of the most common is a change in their schedule. If your partner is suddenly spending more time out of the house, or if they are being especially secretive about their whereabouts, it may cause suspicion.
If you notice that your partner’s schedule has suddenly changed, it is vital to discuss what is going on.
They’re Becoming More and More Insecure
Another key indicator is a behavior change. If your partner seems more insecure or jealous than usual, it could signify that they are feeling guilty about something. They may start to accuse you of unfaithfulness or try to control who you talk to and where you go.
They may also start scrutinizing your appearance or questioning your whereabouts. If your partner suddenly starts questioning your love for them or accusing you of flirting with other people, it could be a sign that they are feeling guilty about their wrongdoing.
Picks Up Fights More Often
If you notice that your partner is suddenly picking more fights with you, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with something. They may be feeling guilty about what they’re doing and taking it out on you. Or, they may simply be trying to create distance between you so that they can feel less guilt and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
Liars will often try to blame their partner, accusing them of being the one who is always causing problems. If your loved one is always in a bad mood, it’s another potential sign of being unfaithful. They may be suffocating under the weight of their lies and taking it out on those around them.
Signs He’s Deceiving and Feeling Guilty
- They’re over-attentive: It can be a good sign when your partner is more attentive to you or your relationship. Unless you’re already suspicious, this can be a result of their guilt of lying and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
- They get irritated quickly: This one is pretty obvious. They will be somewhat frustrated with themselves when they’re guilty and often try to take that out on you or other people and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
- They accuse you of lying: When your partner is lying and feels guilty, they might accuse you back and turn the tables on you to hide their guilt and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
How to Deal With a Lying Spouse?
There are a few things that you can do when dealing with a lying spouse. First, try to talk to them about their falsehoods. This can help them see the consequences of their actions and hopefully lead to the resolution of the situation.
If that fails, it may be necessary to take action. Such as taking couples therapies and having sessions together or getting families involved.
How to Save Your Relationship From Infidelity?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to save your relationship from unfaithfulness may vary depending on the situation. Try to build a strong relationship with your significant other. This will help you feel closer to them and make them less likely to stray.
Additionally, maintain communication and be honest with each other. If one of you is hiding something from the other, it will only worsen the problem. However, some key steps that may help include talking to your partner about your concerns, setting boundaries, and communicating effectively.
Nonetheless, it can be helpful to seek professional help if things are getting out of hand. A therapist can help you identify the root of your issues and develop effective coping mechanisms.
Why Do People Lie in a Relationship?
Many people fib in a relationship for various reasons, but the most common is fear of abandonment, not being loved, and boredom. Unfaithfulness can also be a way of expressing anger and frustration in a relationship and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
Some people swindle because they need to meet someone new and exciting, and others feel like they are not getting the attention they deserve. Whatever the reason, the best way to go about it is to talk with your significant other and try to understand each other.
Can Couples Therapy Help With Disloyalty or Lying?
There is some debate on whether or not couples therapy can help with deceiving in a relationship, but most experts believe it can. This is because couples therapy can help address the issues that may contribute to the matter. In addition, couples therapy can also help identify and resolve any conflicts that may lead to unfaithfulness.
Some couples struggling with lying may find that therapy is the best way to address their issues and repair their relationship. Suppose you are considering couples therapy as a possible solution to your problem. In that case, it is important to discuss your options with a therapist to determine if it is the right solution for you.
If you are unsure whether or not therapy is right for you, it is important to reach out for advice from friends or family members who have been through similar experiences.
Jason is a certified polygraph examiner and a twenty year veteran in the field of forensic IT. He is the owner, chief examiner of Lie Detectors-UK and the Secretary of the UKPA. He qualified in America at APS Fort Myers under the supervision of his mentor Benjamin Blalock.
Jason Hubble is a twenty-year veteran in the field of forensic IT, having worked for many City law firms throughout his career. This experience has really helped with the field of polygraph allowing him to use this in his polygraph testing and signs that your partner is deceiving you.
How to tell someone is lying to me or telling a lie?
So you don’t have a polygraph test to rely on how do you tell if someone is lying, statistics show without a lie detector test you may as well flip a coin however below is some research on how to tell when someone is lying—and get the truth out of them
In 2009 the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) was formed by the US Federal Government to develop best practices for lie detection best spending over fifteen million dollars by 2016 in over 100 research projects with psychologists.
Looking at the findings and research at what liars do?
They are nice to you when lying
You have to get a rapport with the liar so they can open up, too talk a lot. And to make a mistakes that can reveals their deception.
A good trick is to be a “friendly journalist.” And do your homework before they write an article. The more information you have going into a conversation with the liar, the better your internal lie detector will be.
The report found that “bad cop” wasn’t effective, but “good cop” was. Everybody wants to be treated with respect, and when people are, they’re more likely to talk.
Don’t rely on body language too much to see if they are lying or telling a lie
A leading psychology professor and leading expert on lie detection, says body language cues are very rarely predictive.
Addressing a common myth directly: “Liars won’t look you in the eyes.” HIG’s review of the research found that “gaze aversion has never been shown to be a reliable indicator.”
And if that’s not enough to dispel the myth, there’s a study of the behaviour of incarcerated psychopaths. They look people in the eyes more often than non-psychopaths.
They ask unanticipated questions for lie detection
Ask an underage-looking person at a bar trying to buy alcohol how old they are and you’ll hear a confident “I’m 18.” But if you asked them for a date of birth it requires some mental calculations so a liar will pause, however it’s an exceedingly easy question for someone telling the truth.
There’s a report on standard airport security methods that catch less than 5% of liars but when unanticipated questions are used that number shot up to 66%.
So start off with the expected questions, being non-intimidating and gives you a baseline then, throw them a question that’s easy for someone telling the truth to answer but that a liar would not be ready for. Gauge the reactions, did they answer calmly and quickly, or did they delay the answer?
Ask for details you can verify too. “So if I call you wife, she can confirm that you were at that movies yesterday?” Someone telling the truth will be able to quickly and easily answer that. Liars will be reluctant and stall.
Another example: “What was Jane wearing at the meeting yesterday?” Again, easy for honest people, but a nightmare for someone lying as its verifiable.
They use strategic evidence to catch lies
As you did your homework in advance and have built that rapport and got them talking now lead them to say things that contradicts the info you have.
Ask to clarify the evidence so they commit to it. And then say “Sorry, I’m confused. You said you were with Steve yesterday evening, but Steve has been in Norfolk all of this week” Are they now thinking hard, does their reply contradict anything else, is it now digging the hole they have fallen into even deeper?
A Swedish Police Study in 2006 found they typically detected lies 56.1% of the time. Those with “strategic use of evidence as above” scored an 85.4%.
You want to reveal evidence slowly. You may even get a confession with repeated contradictions out of embarrassment. Although most likely it will make their lying increasingly more obvious.
They don’t challenge people too early with the content and truth
If you immediately start the questioning and accuse them of lying, they are more likely to shut down and not say anything or they will just change their story.
Would you want to help them create and tell a better lie? The goal is to make them want to put it all out there and paint themselves into a corner and expose them as a liar and get to the truth.
Here is the problem with slippery people: They get great feedback, you don’t. If I lie and don’t get caught, I see what works. If I lie and get caught, I see what doesn’t work.
On the other hand, the majority of the time you don’t get good feedback on whether someone was honest with you. So liars are always improving, you don’t. And that gives them an advantage over you. Don’t help them improve further!Read More
Do Innocent People Fail Lie Detector Tests ?
Is it Possible to Fail in a Lie Detector Test If You’re Innocent?
As a polygraph examiner, we often get asked the question can an innocent person fail a polygraph test? The answer is it is possible. Usually, polygraph tests are taken by a polygraph examiner who observes a person’s body’s responses, incorrect outcomes, if they are telling the truth or not, a physiological response, and so on.
What is a Polygraph Test?
Polygraph tests are lie detectors that measure a person’s biophysical reactions to different questions. It observes your heart rate, answers to control questions or comparison questions, breathing, how Anxiety affects you when interrogated. Invented in 1921 in Berkeley, California.
In addition, it also showcases your unique physiological responses to particular topics. For example, if someone was sexually abused when young, asking relevant questions and irrelevant questions about that topic may trigger unique reactions both physically and physiologically in the person.
In short, the polygraph test does not exactly say if you are lying or not through your incorrect outcomes. It is rather indicated through your actions that you may be deceiving the lie detector expert.
How Does A Polygraph Test Work?
Firstly you have to go to a room where only you and the polygraph examiner will be present. Then in order to monitor your physiological reaction, a few types of equipment will be attached to you to monitor the lie detector test. Firstly a blood pressure cuff will get put on you to monitor your cardiovascular activity.
Then to monitor your skin conductivity, also known as Galvan skin or electrodermal response, an electrode will be attached to your fingertip. Furthermore, alongside these, other things used on you are recording devices and questioning techniques to detect lies.
Several electronic sensors will also be placed on your chest and abdominal areas to monitor your respiratory system. These devices mentioned above are used during a lie detector test to obtain accurate polygraph results.
Should You Take a Lie Detector Test
The answer to this question varies on your reasoning for taking a lie detector test. If you are someone who is criminally accused of something and your probation officers are asking you to take a polygraph test. Then it is safe to assume they are most probably trying to verify if you are lying or not and gather evidence against you.
For such a case, a piece of good advice will be to refrain from taking the lie detector test if you are guilty of the crime, especially for sex offenders and people involved in a bank robbery. However, it is wise to follow what your lawyer advises.
Furthermore, if you get asked to take a polygraph test by your office as a requirement for the hiring process, then it is recommended to take it. Moreover, your employer may ask you to take polygraph tests if money or documents get stolen from the office. For such instances, if you are an innocent person, the odds of failing a polygraph test are low. So such a test may save you from other hassles in the office. But be sure to hire a lawyer.
If you are looking to take lie detector tests with your friends for recreational purposes or for fun by hiring a private examiner, then it may be worth the experience.
How Accurate Is the Polygraph Test?
Polygraphs are known to be fairly accurate; otherwise, polygraph machines wouldn’t have been a common tool worldwide. With a few false positives and false negatives here and there, according to studies, a polygraph test is accurate 80% to 90% of the time. The percentages vary due to external reasons.
It may not be 100% accurate, but with scientific evidence, such tests are better at detecting lies or guilty people compared to your average person. Though, people may have lied about precise questions asked to them during the study. The rate of inaccuracy may be higher when lie detection tests are in real life cases resulting in more false positives or a fail in the test.
It is possible to wrongly pass the polygraph test with a decent idea of what a polygraph machine is and how it works. Besides, people who are very good at hiding stuff usually are able to beat a lie detector.
Research has shown that lie detectors are worse at detecting innocent people or someone who is telling the truth compared to a guilty person or a liar. There have been cases where half the people telling the truth did fail a polygraph test.
Can an Innocent Fail the Test?
As mentioned above, an innocent person can fail polygraph tests but may not be necessarily linked with lying. As polygraph results depend on physiological reactions and psychological behaviours, it is not the most accurate.
An innocent person may be under stress which may cause them to be nervous, resulting in heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. These signs may cause innocent people to wrongly fail a polygraph test.
Furthermore, Anxiety plays a significant role in the person taking the polygraph test. As the results depend on unique physiological responses, error rates may be high when someone is under the above-mentioned conditions. This may result in a person failing a polygraph which is one of its fundamental problems.
Even though having a certain response on a specific topic may indicate you aren’t telling the truth. It does not exactly mean you fail the test. These responses depend from person to person.
For these reasons, such polygraph evidence is generally inadmissible in court or any legal hearing.
How Do You Pass A Polygraph If You Are Nervous?
Scientific research studies show that most of the people who give polygraph tests have nervousness or Anxiety affect them before they take a polygraph test. Both the innocent and the guilty reacted similarly before giving the test.
If you are having nervousness issues but still want to pass a polygraph test; here’s how to
Do Not Overthink
One of the prime causes of nervousness is overthinking and high stress levels. Try to keep a clear head and when it gets filled with thoughts, take deep breaths and remain calm. Do not ask people who have already given the test about their experience. It will instead make you more nervous.
It Is Okay To Be Nervous
No one expects you to be perfect before giving a polygraph test. Even someone who is completely innocent may be nervous, which is totally normal. Being nervous will allow your examiner to get more accurate results of your physiological response when tested.
Take Your Time
Do not think you are bound to answer every question asked instantly. You can ask the examiner to repeat the question up to six times. It will be better to ask your examiner how many times you are allowed to repeat the question before it gets skipped.
Do not rush, as the hastiness when you are nervous may cause you to fail the polygraph test.
Can You Fail a Lie Detector Test if You Are Nervous?
Nervousness may result in a person failing a polygraph test. Even if you aren’t lying but because you are nervous, your blood pressure is high, and you are breathing heavily. As lie detectors cannot differentiate between Anxiety, nervousness and lying. They depend on your unique physiological response to determine if you are truthful or not. So nervousness may result in you failing the test.
However, the examiner usually understands when a person is nervous and when they are lying as they have years of experience. So usually, they will be able to figure out that you are just nervous and tell you to calm down. Additionally, they may also consider answers which show you are lying.
On top of that, if you are someone with medically certified Anxiety, PTSD, ADHD or Bi-Polar is it better to let your examiner know before taking the polygraph test.
What We Recommend for Curbing Anxiety
Anxiety is a common human response to stress and worry. It may end up becoming a severe issue. There are several ways to curb your Anxiety instantly to a point that we recommend. Such as
- Try making yourself understand that it’s just your nervous system entering and causing you to worry.
- Never criticise yourself for being anxious. Instead, let yourself know it is a healthy response to complicated situations, which is very typical.
Reality check is a clever way to stop yourself from being anxious. Ask yourself what are the odds of the things I am worried about actually happening. Is it clever of me to think something may go wrong? Maybe I am just stressed?
These are some steps we recommend trying for curbing Anxiety. Other methods may include sharing your Anxiety with someone, a mental break or medical help.
Now that you know most about polygraph testing and how innocent persons should pass or fail the test, now it’s your turn. If you’re accused of something that you didn’t do, or you’re struggling to find out the truth, let us help you.
Our chief examiner Jason Hubble is the secretary of the UK Polygraph Association and member of the American Polygraph Association and is perfectly capable of helping you in any cases.Read More